QVC Auditions – SNL

QVC Auditions – SNL

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zLjFOouBOPs


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>>> HI, I'M JOYCE CHILDERS AND I AM MAKING THIS VIDEO IN ORDER TO
AUDITION FOR THE GUEST HOST POSITION AT QVC.
AND AS YOU CAN SEE WE ARE IN MY CLOSET BECAUSE MY FORTE IS —
CLOSET — UH — ORGANIZATION. IN CLOSET.
AND I AM REALIZING RIGHT NOW THAT MY PANTIES ARE ALL BEHIND
MY HEAD. AND NOW I LOOK LIKE A PANTY
ADDICT. THANKS, JOE.
>> WHAT? I THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD.
>> JOE, NOW YOU'RE IN MY SHOT, JUST DO IT AGAIN.
PLEASE, LET'S DO IT AGAIN. >> HI.
I'M CHRISTIE BERKIE. AND THIS IS MY AUDITION REEL FOR
GUEST HOST FOR QVC. RIGHT AWAY, I JUST WANT TO SAY
THAT I DO KNOW THAT MY FRIEND AND NEIGHBOR JOY CHILDERS IS
AUDITIONING AS WELL. SHE IS AN AMAZING PERSON.
BUT I DO THINK SHE IS — NO. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING
BAD. I'LL JUST SAY THAT ALL OF MY
FRIENDS THINK THAT — NOPE. I JUST SAID I WASN'T GOING TO
SAY ANYTHING BAD. SHE IS WHAT SHE IS.
YOU CAN ALWAYS JUST GOOGLE HER, YOU KNOW.
WHICH I THINK YOU SHOULD. AND STUFF WILL COME UP.
I LOVE HER! UM, OKAY.
ACCESSORIES. WE ARE CURRENTLY IN MY NECKLACE
ROOM. AND WHAT I WANT TO SHOW YOU
IS — OH MY GOD!
I JUST STEPPED ON THE DOG! HE CAN'T BE IN HERE, LOUIS!
>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW. >> PEANUT HAS TO BE IN HIS
CRATE! AND NOW THAT'S ONE POINT FOR
JOYCE BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A DICK THAT KICKS DOGS IN THE BUTT,
GREAT. START OVER, CUT.
GREAT, LEWIS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> HI. IT'S ME, JOYCE.
FUTURE QVC HOST. YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT YOU GUYS
TO KNOW THAT QVC IS MY NUMBER ONE DREAM.
AND EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT KNOWS ME HAS SAID THAT I WAS
BORN TO DO THIS. AND THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE
THAT ARE OKAY WITH LIKE HIJACKING DREAMS BECAUSE —
OKAY. I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.
I CAN'T BREATHE. >> ARE YOU OKAY?
>> DON'T COME OVER HERE, YOU STRESS ME OUT!
I'VE GOT TO GO WALK AROUND OUR CUL-DE-SAC — DO NOT FOLLOW ME,
DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING, I AM FINE!
OKAY! [ LAUGHTER ]
>> HEY, GUYS. IT'S YOUR GAL PAL
CHRISTIE BERKIE HERE TO SHOW YOU HOW TO DRESS UP ANY WORK OUTFIT
AND GIVE IT A TOUCH OF SPARKLE AND GLAM WITH CLIP-ON GLAMOUR
BAUBLES. LOOK HOW THIS GLISTENS IN THE
SUNLIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]
WAS THAT JOYCE? DID I JUST SEE JOYCE IN OUR
WINDOW? >> THAT WAS JOYCE.
>> WHAT IS THAT BITCH UP TO? [ LAUGHTER ]
ANYWAY, WE'LL JUST CUT AROUND THIS.
OKAY. THESE IMITATION CRYSTAL PIECES
WILL ENLIVEN ANYTHING — [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I SEE YOU! I SEE YOU, GET OVER HERE!
>> WHAT? >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING? >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
STEALING DREAMS? THAT FRIENDS KNOW IS FOR ME?
>> THAT IS NOT GOOD ENGLISH, YOU WILL NEVER MAKE IT WITH THAT
KIND OF ENGLISH ON QVC. >> ON QVC, ON QVC!
THAT'S WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. GET YOUR OWN LIFE!
>> I HAVE IT! I HAVE A LIFE!
STOP TALKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE I HAVE IT!
[ LAUGHTER ] >> MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE IT AWAY.
YOU SEE WHAT THIS IS IN MY POCKET?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, JOYCE.
OKAY? I HAVE NO IDEA.
>> WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT HANDLE'S TO?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, IS THAT YOUR GUN?
IS THAT WHAT THAT IS? LOUIS, SHE BROUGHT HER GUN,
SURPRISE SURPRISE, I GUESS SHE'S GOING TO KILL ANOTHER PERSON ON
ACCIDENT! >> IF I DO IT WOULD YOU STOP
STEALING? >> JOYCE, DON'T BE A FOOL.
>> THIS IS ALL GOING TO QVC, THIS IS ALL GOING TO QVC, JOYCE!
>> NO, NO, IT'S NOT! >> YES, IT IS.
THIS IS MY AUDITION TAPE AND IT CAN BE WHATEVER I WANT.
>> HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> YOUR WIFE IS GOING TO SHOOT US THROUGH OUR WINDOW.
>> IT'S NOT A REAL GUN, IT'S FOR THE PLAY I'M DIRECTING.
>> OH MY GOD, JOYCE. YOU ARE SUCH A JOKE.
>> OH REALLY. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S A BETTER
JOKE? YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY.
AND I KNOW IT BECAUSE HE'S SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND.
[ LAUGHTER ] I HEAR THEM EVERY NIGHT IN OUR
BABY'S ROOM LIKE, OH, YEAH. I WANT IT.
>> STOP IT! >> OKAY, CHRISTE?
ARE YOU GOING TO SEND THAT TO QVC, I'M SURE THEY'D LOVE THAT.
>> GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! >> AARRGHH!
[ STATIC ] ♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> WELL GUYS THAT HOUR JUST FLEW
BY. >> I GUESS THAT'S JUST WHAT
HAPPENS WHEN YOU GUEST HOST QVC WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.
>> KEEP SHOPPING, YOU GUYS! ♪♪♪
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]


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