Trump Impeachment Press Conference Cold Open – SNL

Trump Impeachment Press Conference Cold Open – SNL

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VDNQEplDHjA


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[ HELICOPTER WHIRRING ] >> MR. PRESIDENT!
>> MR. PRESIDENT! >> MR. PRESIDENT, HERE.
>> RIGHT HERE, MR. PRESIDENT! >> MR. PRESIDENT!
>> MR. PRESIDENT! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> MR. PRESIDENT! >> LOOK, I KNOW YOU PROBABLY
HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS FOR ME ABOUT THIS IMPEACHMENT NONSENSE.
AND I'D LOVE TO ANSWER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
BELIEVE ME, I DO. BUT AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THIS
VERY LOUD RUNNING HELICOPTER BEHIND ME —
[ LAUGHTER ] EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND I
SHOULD BE HEADED OUT RIGHT NOW. >> WAIT, MR. PRESIDENT, A FEW
QUESTIONS. >> CAN YOU COMMENT ON MR.
SONDLAND'S DAMNING TESTIMONY WITH YOU AND UKRAINE?
>> I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE THERE IS A CHOPPER BEHIND ME.
IT SOUNDED LIKE YOU SAID SONDLAND'S TESTIMONY COMPLETELY
EXONERATED ME, AND I TOTALLY AGREE.
[ LAUGHTER ] I ACTUALLY WROTE DOWN NOTES FROM
HIS TESTIMONY THAT PROVES MY INNOCENCE.
I USED THE BIGGEST, FATTEST, BLACKEST MAGIC MARKERS I COULD
FIND. I LOVE BLACK MAGIC MARKERS.
ONCE YOU GO BLACK — DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
>> I HAVE TO GO TO MICHIGAN RIGHT NOW.
>> EXACTLY WHICH PART OF SONDLAND'S TESTIMONY PROVES YOUR
INNOCENCE? >> IT'S RIGHT HERE IN MY NOTES
OF SUPER IMPORTANT CONVERSATIONS I HAVE HAD.
I'LL READ ONE BUT THEN I'VE GOT TO SPLIT, OKAY?
THIS IS ME AND AMBASSADOR SONDLAND TALKING.
HE SAYS TO ME, WHAT DO YOU WANT? AND I ANSWER, TWO LARGE PIES,
EXTRA CHEESE, EXTRA — NO, THAT'S A DIFFERENT PHONE CALL.
I SAID, I WANT NOTHING, NO QUID PRO QUO, BRO.
SEE? IT'S RIGHT HERE IN BLACK
LICORICE. I HAVE TO GET ON THIS CHOPPER
NOW. >> HOLD ON, MR. PRESIDENT.
THAT WASN'T THE ONLY CONVERSATION YOU HAVE HAD WITH
AMBASSADOR SONDLAND. >> IT DOESN'T MATTER.
I TOLD HIM NO QUID PRO QUO AT LEAST ONCE.
ANY QUID AFTER THAT IS ON THEM. THAT'S HOW IT WORKS.
LIKE WHEN YOU MEET A GIRL AND SAY IF YOU'RE A COP, YOU HAVE TO
TELL ME. BESIDES, I DON'T KNOW THIS
AMBASSADOR SONDLAND GUY. THAT'S FAKE NEWS.
>> BUT HE'S DONATED A MILLION DOLLARS TO YOUR INAUGURATION.
>> AND YOU APPOINTED HIM TO THE E.U.
>> WELL, I KNOW HIM, BUT I DON'T KNOW HIM, KNOW HIM.
I NEVER, LIKE, MET HIM IN PERSON.
LOOK, I WOULD LOVE TO EXCHANGE BUT THIS BATTERY ON THIS CHOPPER
IS GOING TO DIE VERY, VERY SOON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> I'M HOLDING EVERYBODY UP, OKAY?
>> NO. >> OH, AMBASSADOR SONDLAND.
>> MR. TRUMP. CAN YOU AT LEAST ELABORATE ON
YOUR COMMENTS ON "FOX & FRIENDS" WHERE YOU SAID ADAM SCHIFF WAS
THE WHISTLEBLOWER? >> NO, NO, NO.
I NEVER SAID HE WAS THE WHISTLEBLOWER, OKAY?
IT'S SO GREAT TO FINALLY MEET YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME.
>> OH, RIGHT, RIGHT. KEEP THE QUID PRO QUO ON THE
LOW-LOW, GOT IT. >> I JUST WAS LEAVING.
>> HANG ON. I WANT TO GO ON THE RECORD AND
SAY YOU GUYS NEED TO LAY OFF MY BOY.
EVERYBODY LOVES HIS ASS. >> THANK YOU.
>> UKRAINE, RUSSIA — >> THAT'S ENOUGH, THAT'S ENOUGH.
>> THEY'LL DO ANYTHING FOR THIS MAN.
I KNOW. I ASKED.
>> OKAY. IN CONCLUSION, NO QUID PRO QUO.
>> OH, THERE DEFINITELY WAS. >> AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S


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