Weekend Update: Moving Forward with Impeachment – SNL

Weekend Update: Moving Forward with Impeachment – SNL

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>> Announcer: IT'S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH COLIN JOST AND
MICHAEL CHE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. >> WELCOME TO WEEKEND UPDATE.
>>> THIS WEEK, DEMOCRATS ANNOUNCED THAT THEY WOULD MOVE
TOWARDS IMPEACHMENT BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
SO TRUMP WAS RIGHT. WE WILL BE SAYING
MERRY CHRISTMAS AGAIN. NANCY PELOSI WAS ASKED IF SHE
HATES PRESIDENT TRUMP. SHE SAID AS A CATHOLIC I DON'T
HATE ANYONE. AS A CATHOLIC I KNOW, THERE'S
ALWAYS ONE PERSON YOU HATE. YOURSELF.
IT WOULD BE TO QUIETLY TRANSFER HIMSELF TO A DIFFERENT
PRESIDENCY. >> PRESIDENT TRUMP WARNED FRANCE
THAT IF IT IMPOSE AS. AT A ON U.S. TECH COMPANIES, THE
U.S. HAD RETALIATE WITH A TAX ON FRENCH WINE.
AND IT IS BASED ON STEREO TYPES. IN IT WAS JAPAN YOU WOULD ATTACK
NINJA STARS. GOD FORBID IT WAS A BLACK
COUNTRY. HE WOULD PROBABLY TAX POPEYE
CHICKEN SANDWICHES. >> AND PRESIDENT TRUMP CALLED
HIM TWO-FACED AFTER THE PRIME MINISTER WAS CAUGHT MAKING FUN
OF TRUMP. AND IT IS TRUE, I'VE DEFINITELY
SEEN TRUDEAU WITH AT LEAST ONE OTHER FACE.
>> HE SAID HE WANTS TO GET RID OF WATER SAVING REGULATIONS FOR
TOILETS. >> PEOPLE ARE FLUSHING TEN
TIMES, 15 TIMES, AS OPPOSED TO ONCE.
>> WHAT PEOPLE ARE FLUSHING TOILETS 15 TIMES?
BESIDES YOU. YOU DON'T EVEN DRINK.
YOU CAN'T BLAME WHISKEY. >> YOU MIGHT AS WELL GRAB IT AND
TOSS IT OUT THE WINDOW. >> ACCORDING TO AT&T
REPRESENTATIVE DEAFEN NUNES, HE SPOKE WITH LEV ON THE PHONE FOR
18 MONTHS. IF TRUE THAT WOULD BE THE
LONGEST CALL COMPLETED ON AT&T. THAT MEANS THAT GIULIANI, DEVIN
NUNES AND LEV WERE PART OF THE TEAM.
USUALLY WHEN PEOPLE WITH THEIR MENTAL CAPACITY TEAM UP, ALL
THEY COULD IS TALK ABOUT DIFFERENT KINDS OF SHRIMP.
THEY'VE TRAVELED TO UKRAINE TO TALK ABOUT THE DEMOCRATS' CASE
FOR IMPEACHMENT. DOES HE KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES
TO MAKE A DOCUMENTARY? I THINK WHEN HE SAYS A
DOCUMENTARY, HE MIGHT JUST MEAN A TICK TOCK.
>> THE WHITE HOUSE HAS ISSUED NEW GUIDELINES THAT REQUIRES
PEOPLE RECEIVING FOOD STAMPS TO WORK AT LEAST 20 HOURS A WEEK.
GOOD, I GUESS PEOPLE ON FOOD STAMPS HAVE HAD IT TOO GOOD FOR
TOO LONG. WHY DOES EVERYBODY ALWAYS THINK
THE POOREST PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM?
ONE TIME I SAW A GUY BEGGING FOR CHANGE ON THE STREET.
AND THIS GUY WAS LIKE, "OH, HE'S JUST FAKING."
I DON'T KNOW. THAT SMELLS LIKE REAL PISS.


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